‘Cause you were 6 years of my life’

So after qualifying as a Nurse, I went to work at a District General Hospital, they do t specialise in anything as such but do a bit of everything. My plan was to get 2 years general experience and then specialise either into Neonatal Nursing or moving to on of the Children’s Specialist Hospitals. Working with sick kids is incredibly rewarding! As quick as they become ill, they recover- in most cases. As a rule I found myself working in the High Dependancy Unit (HDU) or around on the Isolation unit where we got new babes who needed isolating from others, kids with complex health issues and kids with significant infections – much rarer than kids who needed isolating due to low immunity. I loved it. I found it very difficult juggling 2 young kids (6&4) at the time, their dad being in the military and away from home, they saw him every 2 weeks for 2 days and having a permanently aching back, it was hard. I preserved as long as I could but 18 months in I asked to be put on nights. I had a fight on my hands despite flexible working policies but was eventually move to nights, I could leave after putting my kids to bed and be home in time to take them to school. This lasted 3 years, in that 3 years I had continuing back and hip problems which I did need time off from work here and there. I was repeatedly told, it’s part of the job live with it. My GP referred me to various physios and tried me on a number of pills, and more pills and more pills. It took the edge off my problems but just wasn’t solving the problem. One night things changed!

I was working in HDU when the emergency button needed pulling as a young child had stopped breathing. We then lost circulation so needed to start chest compressions – if you’ve ever done this on a real person you’ll know it’s knackering! So I was swapping 2 minute cycles with one of our consultants until the resus team arrived and took over – the child survived!

Immediately afterwards I didn’t feel anything, adrenaline was still pumping round. However around 5am when we needed to start preparing for the day team I realised my arms and hands were tingling but didn’t think much of it until I tried to make a bed and couldn’t lift my arms.

After seeing our occupational health, physio and finally getting an MRI (after much fighting) it’s was determined I had 2 prolapsed disc which I’m sure were caused by giving CPR but of course can never be sure! I was off work for around 3 month but wanted to return so I was put on light duties for a while which worked really well and I was enjoying what I was doing. Even though I still wasn’t fully recovered any still wasn’t fully fit, I was forced back on to the ward as it was facing winter pressures! I couldn’t lift or move kids on my own, I couldn’t do CPR, quite frankly I wasn’t safe but the ward was more concerned about numbers than safety! I luckily got promoted into a community team leading nurses working with children with complex health needs. I wouldn’t need to provide hands on care and was so much better supported. I was so glad to leave the hospital. Once I was recovered I did do bank shifts for a while to keep my clinical skills up to date but it just wasn’t the same anymore and I stopped after around 8 month. I missed the hospital but my community role was so much better and suited my kids better who were now getting older and wanted mum at home in the evening. All was going well. I did unfortunately prolapse another 2 discs in my back and had 4 months of agony which were filled with painkillers and GP trips and ED trips and just got nowhere. “It’s lower back pain you just have to deal with it”!

Eventually I went to my GP and saw a different GP to my usual one. I hobbled in and basically said I can’t take it anymore, my whole body hurts, I can’t do basic stuff, my kids (11+9) were my carers and I just couldn’t go on living as I was (I wasn’t meaning taking my life but I just couldn’t not continue). This GP was brilliant, he did various tests whilst I was there and referred me as an urgent referral to Rheumatology who effectively changed my life both for the better and worse but changed it!